HOW WE ARE FORMED EMOTIONALLY?

(INNER CHILD HEALING)

PART 1

What do you think attachment styles are and do you think they affect our relationships and us as a person in our later life?

All of you might have thought at some point in life that-

Why I always get attracted to emotionally unavailable partners or people?

Why I don’t stick to one relationship or why my ex was like that?

Why I push people away when I start to get too close with them?

Why I don’t want to get intimate?

There might be many more questions in your mind for the partners you had or currently you have or why you are like that.

To the best of my knowledge, I hope you will get some answers after the completion of the attachment series and it’s going to be a insightful learning for you all.

I’ll try my best to cover everything as this is not a small topic so I’ll be posting it in a series every week. You can send me your questions you have in your mind that you want me to explain or address by filling the feedback form or write in the comment section, I’ll try to answer all those in my coming posts.

Attachment styles are characterized by different ways of interacting and behaving in relationships. During early childhood, these attachment styles are centered on how children and parents interact. In adulthood, attachment styles are used to describe patterns of attachment in romantic and other relationships.

So, Attachment refers to the particular way in which you relate to other people. Your style of attachment is formed at the very beginning of your life, it is formed by the way you are taken care of by your primary care giver.

Understanding your style of attachment is helpful because it offers you insight into how you felt and developed in your childhood and if you understand your attachments styles you will get answers to many of your issues that you might be facing in your relationships and in your personality when you are grown up.

Getting aware of things and understanding them and knowing that you might be turning into a toxic person . As, we all are capable of being toxic, or we have been or currently are.

But it’s on the person as some people do want to get educated on it and do better.

So, let’s stop saying “That’s just how I am” As, you can have love, patience and compassion for yourself while you honestly admit; I need to be better than I have been. I need to stop being this way.

Research across many years and many cultures has found around 35-40% of people say they feel insecure in their adult relationships. While 60-65% experience secure, loving and satisfying relationships.

How secure or insecure we are with our romantic partners depends, in part, on how we bonded with our parents at a young age. From the day we were born we turned to our parents (or guardians) for love, comfort and security, especially in times of distress. For this reason we call them “attachment figures”.

When our attachment figures respond to our distress in ways that meet our needs, we feel comforted and supported, our distress is reduced, and we learn our attachment figures can be counted on in stressful times.

But if parents often respond to a child’s distress by downplaying their emotions, rejecting their pleas for help, or making the child feel foolish, the child will learn not to trust their attachment figures for help, and to suppress their worries and emotions and deal with them alone. These downplaying strategies are called “deactivating attachment strategies”.

For others, parents respond to a child’s distress by being inconsistent in the support they provide, or not providing the right kind of support. Perhaps they sometimes recognize their child’s distress; other times they don’t acknowledge the distress, or focus on how the distress made them feel rather than helping the child manage their feelings.

Or, some parents might provide support but it’s not what the child needs. For example, a child might need encouragement to deal with a challenge, but the parent tries to be sympathetic and agrees the child can’t deal with the challenge. Regular exposure to these kinds of parenting experiences means those children can experience excessive worry, especially when stressed, and go to a lot of effort to be very close to their attachment figures. These strategies of increasing worry and seeking excessive closeness are called “hyperactivating strategies”.

So, you might have started relating to it. Another question that might arise-

Why everyone should know their attachment style?

If you’ve suffered from anxiety, depression because of your relationship problems, a psychological theory called “attachment theory” can help you get to the root cause of your difficulties and give you a greater understanding of what’s going on and based on my learning’s from that theory and my study I am going to explain everything in a form which is understandable by you all :)

Attachment theory was developed by British psychiatrist John Bowlby in the 1960s. The theory explains how our brains are programmed to help us survive and thrive in the environment we are born into.

Our self-esteem, ability to control our emotions and the quality of our relationships are all affected by our attachment style. It’s been known that for over 50 years attachment styles can predict and explain children’s behavior. More recent research has shown that attachment styles also continue to affect our behavior in adulthood.

So, I hope you can understand how important is getting aware of your attachment style is, so that you can live a balanced life as I always say how we have relationship with ourselves and others is the root cause of everything we face in our life .

THE LONGER YOU DELAY THE WORSE IT WILL GET…

So, Let’s get aware of things and work on ourselves if you will not be mentally and physically healthy as individual you will never be happy with yourself and if you are not at peace with yourself you can’t have healthy relationships or lifestyle.

In my next post I’ll talking about the types of attachment styles and explain them one by one .Also, will be answering all your questions in between them so don’t forget to send me the question by filling feedback form.

TO BE CONTINUED….