INNER CHILD HEALING (PART 5)

So, as in my last blogs I discussed all the types of unhealthy or insecure attachment patterns that most of us might have or our close ones might be having. Now, the questions come, is there any healthy attachment pattern or can we develop and change our unhealthy attachment patterns to healthy one.

So, the answer to all these questions is a big YES!

Are you someone who enjoy their intimate relationships?

Are you someone who seeks out social support?

Are you someone who’s empathetic?

Are you someone who’s comfortable opening up?

Are you someone who set and respect boundaries?

Are you someone who’s aware about yourself?

Are you someone who’s comfortable with closeness?

There might be many more such questions. So, if the answer to above questions is YES then there are chances you have “SECURE ATTACHMENT STYLE”

Before I go further, I want to tell you that SECURE ATTACHMENT STYLE can be earned which we also call as “EARNED SECURE ATTACHMENT” which I will talk about in the end!

SECURE-ATTACHMENT STYLE?

Secure attachment style is when parents or caregivers are available, sensitive, responsive, accepting.

In relationships with secure attachment, parents let their children go out and are there for them when they come back for security and comfort. These parents pick up their child, play with them and reassure them when needed. So, the child learns they can express negative emotions and someone will help them.

While forming a secure attachment with caregivers is normal and expected. Researchers have found a number of different factors that contribute to the development (or lack) of secure attachment, particularly a mother's responsiveness to her infant's needs during the first year of a child's life.

Also, Research suggests that failure to form secure attachments early in life can have a negative impact on behavior in later childhood and throughout life . Also, as I talked about it in my previous blogs.

“SECURE ATTACHMENT PATTERN MAKE US A BALANCED HUMAN BEING”

THE LIFE CYCLE OF A SECURE ATTACHMENT STYLE

CHILDREN

- Securely attached kids might become upset when their caregivers’ leaves.

- They respond positively to contact and seek comfort when frightened.

ADULTS

- Secure adults show healthy and balanced behavior in relationships.

- They seek emotional support from their partners and provide such in return.

- These adults are comfortable being on their own.

PARENTS

- Secure parents are capable of regulating their emotions.

- They create a compassionate environment for their child.

- They view their child as a separate person, but they also empathize with his or her experiences.

So, if you have a secure attachment style you-

- Find it easy to make social contacts and bond with people & you feel good about your relationships.

- Feel confident and balanced, feel good about yourself and have a strong sense of self.

- Are warm, open, straight-forward and easy-going.

- Have strong-reflection skills, are open to criticism and feedback and work well in a team.

- Are comfortable being in committed relationships, but you also feel good being on your own.

- Prefer sexual activities in committed (as opposed to casual) relationships.

- Find it easy to trust and rely on others & feel comfortable sharing and discussing emotional and private topics

- Are aware of emotions & can balance and openly express their emotions.

HOW SECURE ATTACHMENT SOUNDS LIKE?

- I felt bothered by something you said yesterday, could we talk about that?

(tuned into emotions+ communication directly)

- I hope you have a great time out with your friends. I will see you tomorrow.

(Trusts you)

- You’re right, I could have handled that better. I will work to do it differently next time.

(Cooperative+ flexible in relationships)

“IF WE CAN UNDERSTAND OUR ATTACHMENT STYLE AND UNDERSTAND THE REASON WHY WE AND PEOPLE AROUND US DO WHAT THEY DO, WE CAN THEN COME TO A COMMON GROUND AND MEET EACH OTHER AT OUR NEEDS”

How to Rewire Your Brain to Have A Secure Attachment Style?

We all can go from an insecure attachment to a secure one and that is called as Earned secure attachment.

So, the strategy for creating an earned secure adult attachment style involves reconciling childhood experiences and making sense of the impact a person's past has on their present and future. To earn security, you have to develop a coherent narrative about what happened to you as a child.

Earned secure attachment is the classification for adults who experienced insecure parenting in childhood but have developed secure relationship patterns as adults.

So, the most accessible way to achieve this is with the help of therapist who works from attachment informed perspectives.

“People with a secure attachment style know how to communicate their own expectations and respond to their partner’s needs effectively without having to resort to protest behavior.”

So, with this the series of attachment styles is completed I hope you got answers to some of your questions and understand why knowing the attachment styles of your own and your close ones is important.

“Always remember, your own attachment styles can change and evolve as you grow. You are not locked in a box of definitions. You are a HUMAN and you grow, evolve and learn”

So, let’s get aware and work on ourselves. If you will not be mentally and physically healthy as individual you will never be happy with yourself and if you are not at peace with yourself you can’t have healthy relationships or lifestyle.

I hope it was an insightful reading for all my lovely readers. Share with your friends, family and make them aware too.

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