INNER CHILD HEALING

(PART 4)

Are you someone who has trouble expressing your emotions or your partner is like that?

Are you someone who leave or avoid conflict to not make things worse?

Are you someone who feels your partner always wants more?

Are you someone who might place a higher value on success and image than on emotional connection?

Are you someone who Take a step in the relationship or quickly withdraw when it becomes too intense or overwhelmed?

Are you someone disconnected from your needs?

Are you someone who is extremely self-reliant?

There might be many more such questions in your mind. So, if answer to above questions is YES then there are chances you have developed “DISMISSIVE-AVOIDANT ATTACHMNET PATTERN”

Also, before I go further I want to say that these behaviors do not define dismissive-avoidant as a person, or in all parts of the relationship or their lives and dismissive-avoidant partners are not bad or hopeless. The spirit of this post is to understand from an attachment perspective what’s going on with them and there is definitely a way out of all this.

DISMISSIVE-AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT?

A dismissive-avoidant attachment often stems from a parent who was unavailable or rejecting during your infancy. Since your needs were never regularly or predictably met by your caregiver, you were forced to distance yourself emotionally and try to self-soothe. This built a foundation of avoiding emotional intimacy and craving independence in later life, even when that independence and lack of intimacy causes its own distress.

According to a study, a person might develop an dismissive- avoidant attachment if their early attempts at human connection and affection are overlooked or rejected. That means your partner's actions have roots in experiences they likely had long before they met you. The back and Forth has much more to do with them than it does with you.

However, it's important to remember that an avoidant attachment style is not the end of the world for a relationship. If you recognize these signs and behavior's in your partner or yourself, you can still have a satisfying, loving relationship. Building a secure relationship with your partner is possible.

“AVOIDANCE IN RELATIONSHIP IS CHOOSING PROTECTION OVER CONNECTION”

HOW THEY LOOK LIKE?

-Children with dismissive-avoidant grow and develop as outwardly independent. They tend to rely heavily on self-soothing techniques. So they can continue to suppress their emotions and avoid seeking out attachment or support from others outside of themselves.

-They might enjoy the company of others but actively work to avoid closeness due to a feeling that they don’t or shouldn’t need others in their life.

-People with an avoidant attachment style can come across as selfish, appearing to put their own needs in front of their partner's needs. When their partner expresses feelings, they might show annoyance. It's important to remember that these reactions do not reflect their investment in the relationship; they developed this coping mechanism to navigate the so called "emotional desert" they grew up in.

-During conflicts with their partner, they may get quiet, shut down or leave the room altogether. These individuals are use to processing situations internally and at their own pace, and often become easily overwhelmed by their partner’s stronger emotional needs

-Somewhere in their lives they have learned to numb their emotions. They can also be sexual anorexics.

- While you may think you don’t need close relationships or intimacy, the truth is we all do. Humans are hardwired for connection and deep down; even someone with dismissive-avoidant attachment wants a close meaningful relationship if only they could overcome their deep-seated fears of intimacy.

Also, dismissive-avoidant partners aren’t NARCISSTIC, as people with narcisstic personality disorder lack empathy but partner with avoidant attachment style have difficulty communicating empathy.

There is devoid of emotion as dismissive-avoidant attachment has as many emotions as everyone else but they just have difficulty being aware of, naming, owning and expressing them.

“THE IDEA THAT DISMISSIVE-AVOIDANTS DO NOT WANT CONNECTION IS A MYTH. DISMISSIVE-AVOIDANT CRAVES FOR ATTACHMENT, BUT THE ANTICIPATED PAIN OF REACHING OUT AND POSSIBLY BEING REJECTED IS GREATER.”

HEALING FROM DISMISSIVE-AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT?

The answer to healing from any insecure attachment is YES, you always can change your attachment style to secure one.

Like any other behavioral change, if you are aware of your tendencies, and you are willing to put in the effort to change them, you are more likely to have healthier relationships. We may not change our styles altogether, but we can learn to make adjustments and not allow them to destroy our current relationships.

The most effective way to make a change is to start seeing a therapist and identify the source of your patterns. That means digging into your past and seeing how your life has shaped your beliefs about love. Over time, you'll develop a new way of relating, find happiness in things outside of romantic relationships, and, most importantly, learn to have compassion for yourself.

Know you are doing the best you can, given circumstances that were not in your control. The good news is that you do have control now and if you do the work, you can make changes.

So, let’s get aware and work on ourselves. If you will not be mentally and physically healthy, as individual you will never be happy with yourself and if you are not at peace with yourself you can’t have healthy relationships or lifestyle.

I hope it was a insightful reading for all my lovely readers. Share with your friends, family and make them aware too.

Happy Reading

Keep Sharing and supporting

Your feedback matters