QUALITY RELATIONSHIPS TAKE WORK:)

I have always been interested in topics, content related to ‘RELATIONSHIPS’ as I believe relationships are the one that affect us in every area of our life and still learning about it so, here is something I will talk about relationships that might help you to improve quality of your life (Relationships)and most importantly your mental health.

Before you continue reading I want to say, I know you must have read many contents , seen many videos and you might think that we know all of this but I want to say, still we lack so try make yourself things understand and apply them with patience.

I am always open to suggestions and if anything you don't understand or you want to talk about…:)

“Good relationships keep us happier and healthier.” There is a finding stating that our relationships and how happy we are in our relationships has a powerful influence on our health. Taking care of your body is important, but tending to your relationships is a form of self-care too. That, I think, is the revelation.

When we nourish our relationship we become a team and build trust and goodwill that will lead to get through difficult times:)

Also, RELATIONSHIP is not a small topic as it seems like to some of us and by the word RELATIONSHIP - I not only mean your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend, The word RELATIONSHIPS involve relationship with everyone in your life.

So, if we talk about relationships’ than most of us don’t have idea on what and how to work on. As, you must be knowing or gone through difficult times in your relationships or breakups with your loved one so, all this do create an emotional trauma which affect our mental health irrespective of gender.

MENTAL HEALTH FOUNDATION says that absence of quality relationships is killing us faster than OBESITY AND LACK OF EXERCISE. I am showing up you these facts so that you understand the seriousness of this topic. Relationship Breakdown is a huge problem.

Yes, there are hurdles but success of a relationship comes when we overcome the hurdles smoothly by adopting some changes or habits in our relationships. As, hurdle after hurdle leads to frustration and it’s not being perfect but we can try bring some change and keep ourselves at peace.

So, here are some changes you can bring, there are many things we all have read on this topic once but try adopting these habits it may work and just keep in mind one thing things don’t work easily this needs patience.

HABIT 1- BE CURIOUS AND NOT CRITICAL

So, before talking about this habit I wanna mention a quote given by Einstein - “YOU CANNOT SOLVE A PROBLEM WITH SAME LEVEL OF THINKING THAT BROUGHT YOU THERE”

So, to begin with this we need to understand that we should invest our time in understanding how we all are wired differently so that we can learn to play our own strengths rather than wasting time and energy in Criticizing Differences. As, it’s easy to lead with criticism. It’s challenging to lead with curiosity. But curiosity gets results. By leading with criticism, we stall out the conversation. We went nowhere and we got stuck.

The “More Curiosity, Less Judgment” Fostering curiosity – rather than judgment can lead to a variety of benefits, including more inner peace, self-acceptance, kindness and healthier communication

A judging mind (i.e., one that is overly critical or analytical) is often at the root of emotional malady. Unfortunately, negative evaluation of self and others is quite pervasive in our culture

By “judging,” I’m not referring to being discerning, which is a good thing. Being thoughtful, reflective, and wise is an important part of healthy living. But, feeding a mind that’s always evaluating things as – black or white, good or bad, better or worse – is a recipe for emotional and behavioral discontent. Life is more nuanced than that and requires a more “rainbow,” broad-minded approach.

A curious mind offers many benefits. First and foremost, it imparts clarity by providing a more balanced perspective. Judgment (i.e., self and other criticism) on the other hand, tends to leave out some important details. Curiosity also helps us taps into a place of compassion or kindness – for oneself and others. Needless to say, when we’re operating from a place of greater understanding and compassion, we’re smarter human beings that can take more skillful internal (self-talk) and external action.

Example :-

Judgmental Thought: He/She is just a bad person for doing that

Thoughts of Curiosity: I wonder why he/she did that. Was that the first time it happened or one of many? Have I ever acted that way? What circumstances would lead someone to act like that?

Constructive reflection is not a problem, but judgmental thinking is!

HABIT 2 -ASK, DON’T ASSUME

So, the simplest to read yet difficult when it comes to applying in your life. Many times we have read or heard of this that always ask and don’t assume by yourself but how may of us really apply this? Not many of us. But let me tell you applying this and understanding these three words can for sure bring in a change in quality of your life as quality begins with the the quality of relationship you have in your life.

This helps you to get over the hurdles of frustration that come from mistrust and disrespect as we don’t want to ask anything.

Assuming you know how someone else thinks and feels never works because you are seeing things from your own unique perspective and value system, which are rarely the same as the other person’s

While you can know the facts about a situation or someone’s actions that you have observed, a person’s feelings and thoughts are only available to you if you ask them. And they must trust you enough to tell you the truth.

What do assumptions sound like?

· He didn’t call me tonight, so obviously he is not interested.

· My colleague didn’t invite me to her dinner party because she doesn’t like me.

· My boss talks to other employees more than me because he regrets hiring me.

· He’s so quiet, he’s obviously weird, I don’t want to know him.

· I can just tell he/she thinks I am not their type.

How are these assumptions? He might not have called because he had a family emergency or might get stuck in some work. Your colleague might have had a partner who didn’t want anyone he didn’t know already at the dinner party, your boss might be attracted to you and nervous to talk to you, the quiet person might be your soul mate, and the person you are sure doesn’t like you really does.

Why do assumptions ruin relationships?

Assumptions lead to ‘shut down’. We stop being open and receptive to the other person, stop trying to connect, stop making effort, or even walk away from a relationship or quit a job, all based on our own assumptions.

Assumptions create constant tension and conflict . If we assume we know what another person thinks or why they did what they did, they can feel judged, trapped, or like they are never given a chance.

Assumptions can mean you don’t let other people see your good side. If you are always making assumptions about others you can come across as quite defensive. You might even, without wanting to, be seen as unkind.

And the end result is that assumptions can leave you feeling secretly quite lonely. They build a fortress around you that leaves others on the outside.

You may be thinking that Why would I be making assumptions all the time?

It’s often down to a need to control others and situations. If not knowing how others think and feel makes you feel helpless, assumptions help you feel back in the driver’s seat.

Assumptions can also be a way of avoiding emotional pain. By always assuming we know what others think and feel, we avoid the risk of being vulnerable. We block out feedback that might hurt, but by so doing we also sadly block out learning the good things others would like to share with us, including real affection and love.

So, we should be getting good at having those courageous conversations that make us asking and discussing rather than assuming and stereotyping.:)

HABIT 3- BE CAREFUL AND NOT CRUSHING

It is all about how we “turn up” in a conflict situation and how well we manage the process. The reality is whenever there is more than one person doing anything, conflict is inevitable. The truth though is that conflict in and of itself is not harmful, it actually helps us prioritize – just think about how you choose what to do when you have conflicting appointments in your diary. It’s the conflict that forces you to choose and get the important things done first.

This involves overcoming our typical “fight or flight” responses to conflict by developing the skills to work towards genuine resolutions, treat each other with care no matter how angry we get, and come out stronger together.

When it comes to people and relationships however, especially our most intimate relationships, dealing with conflict can be very tricky, because we have egos and intense emotions that tend to get involved. The way we handle conflict with our partner and the way we treat each other through the process can either strengthen the relationship or damage it.

So, we need to work toward genuine resolution and set boundaries in the situation of anger which will control behavior in conflict situation. So, that you don’t fall at the hurdles over and over again.

Also, if anyone says to you that we are perfect, we don’t argue either they lack passion in their relationship or are lying through their teeth..:)

So, this helps us in how to work together, argue well, treat each other with care and come out stronger..:)

HABIT 4- CONNECT BEFORE YOU CORRECT

So, this include learning how to communicate real value and appreciate and holding back our need to give constructive feedback.

Extensive research shows that we cannot influence anyone in a positive way until we create a connection with them. It is a brain (and heart) thing. Sometimes we have to stop dealing with the some situations that are avoidable and first heal the relationship.

Connection creates a sense of safety and openness. Correcting, lecturing, blaming create fight, flight, or freeze.

So, if really get good at connecting in our routine conversation it will make a difference and being deliberate about shifting our balance to connecting before we correct each other just remember that.

Keep in mind, this shift to connect before you correct can feel really tough at first. Because of Our own conditioning. Just be patient with yourself, and seek ways to connect before you correct.

- Also, we all need to understand that when we feel good we don’t care that much, but when we don’t feel good we care a whole lot. When stress goes up human communication get whole worse..

- As, we all invest in the things we value our homes, education. So what in world is stopping us to investing in our relationships? And also as it is said that People go where they feel welcomed but stay where they feel valued. So, we need to be deliberate about finding meaning for specific ways that build warmth in relationships and sometimes be simply breaking the routine.

- The fun should always be there take the date nights seriously and maintain the intimacy otherwise we risk losing the magic and just become functional around the grind of work in our life.

- “Good relationships don’t just protect our bodies; they protect our brains,”

Positively affecting your physical and emotional health, good relationships have the power to sharpen your memory.

Relationships are messy and they’re complicated and the hard work of tending to family and friends, it’s not sexy or glamorous, “It’s also lifelong. It never ends.”

Also, It’s important to know your partners LOVE LANGUAGE. Not listening to them when they tell you how they need to be loved will have them feeling neglected. It doesn’t matter how much you think you’re loving them. If its not their language, the love won’t reach them. Every individual is different....:)

Also, as I mentioned in starting relationship is a huge topic in itself so I tried to sum up it little so that it can help you a little as small small steps matter , so what you waiting for ,understand all the habits and start applying and bring the change. I am not saying it will change everything instantly as there are many factors in every relationship, situations are different but overall it will bring a small change and improve your life and automatically your mental health.:)

So, lastly I want to say Relationships can literally kill us. Start understanding its importance and meaning so that it doesn’t convert you and your relationship into toxic . BIBLE, also ranks healthy relationship as most important thing in life..:)

“GOD’S GRACIOUS, LOVING TREATMENT OF US IS THE BASIS FOR OUR TREATMENT FOR OTHERS”

We all are difficult so, we are the only one going to help each other so why complicate things more when they can be simple and beautiful...:)

A poor man with loving family and good friends is far richer than a rich man who is not having quality relations..:)

“Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together "

GOOD RELATIONSHIPS KEEP YOU HAPPIER AND HEALTHIER.:)

FEEDBACK ARE WELCOMED (My instagram handle-aanchalpriya21)

THANK YOU FOR READING

KEEP SHARING...:)